There is something both unnerving and exciting about showing my work for the first time. I am thrilled to have to honor of my work represented by The Loft Marietta but, at the same time, I have to attempt to silence the Fraud Police in my head. You know those guys - the voices that whisper "Your work is absolute shit!" or "They'll realize you're not a REAL artist!!" or "What makes you think your work should be shown beside those amazing artists?" Yeah, those guys. I mean, Matt loves my work but he's also my husband. I asked him if he would tell me if my work was absolute rubbish and he said no but followed it with "I wouldn't let you submit anything that I thought wasn't amazing or gallery worthy." I couldn't ask for anything more. He pulled up an interview with David Tennent, an actor I admire, where he talks about what I'm feeling.
I have to say that it made me feel quite a bit better to know that people who are professionals in their field go through the feeling of being an imposter and wrestle with the Fraud Police.
I think Amanda Palmer says it best in her book, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help:
"The Fraud Police are the imaginary, terrifying force of 'real' grown-ups who you believe - at some subconscious level - are going to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night, saying:
We've been watching you, and we have evidence that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING. You stand accused of the crime of completely winging it, you are guilty of making shit up as you go along, you do not actually deserve your job, we are taking everything away and we are TELLING EVERYBODY."
So here I am a couple of days away from the art walk show, and I'm a bit calmer (it could be the scotch) and getting ready to show me, the real me through my work. I still feel like I'm getting ready to enter a boxing match with the Fraud Police, but I'm going to come out swinging.
The highlight of this experience is that one of my pieces is hanging above a phenomenal artist, Jeanie Tomanek. She is astoundingly talented and one of sweetest persons I know. I am, honestly, deeply honored.
Cross your fingers and toes and blow me a luck kiss. I'm going to need it so I can push aside the chatter in my brain bucket and actually enjoy the night! For now, I'm going to go play with wax.